With All My Love, Regulus
by Scooterbug8515
Summary: If you are reading this letter then you need to know that the worst has happened, and these are my last words to you. I regret that you have to learn this via a note from me but it is the only way you may know the truth though I fear my letter will not be much more satisfying than what others know. But know this my Julia, I love you with all my heart.
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: I make NO promises to update or finish this story. It was started back in 2008 and is not copy and past from a site I used to be on.)

_Dearest Julia,_

_If you are reading this letter then you need to know that the worst has happened, and these are my last words to you. I regret that you have to learn this via a note from me but it is the only way you may know the truth though I fear my letter will not be much more satisfying than what others know. But know this my Julia, I love you with all my heart and if there were any other way about this I would have sought it out._

_I cannot give you details of my death save for the fact that I was doing what was right, attempting to stop a terrible evil that I fear will triumph despite my best efforts. But if there is anything I have learned the things worth fighting for are worth dieing for despite how grim the circumstances._

_That is all I feel free to tell you about my death anything more and I fear I would put you in danger. Even this letter is a risk but I had to confide in someone and I could not leave you in the dark seeing as none in my family would think to tell you what has happened. You are the only person in the world that I trust Julia that is why I have included my journal with this letter. There are recollections from my childhood things that I never shared with you and even my thought on moments that we shared so sweetly. I just regret that we cannot share any more of those moments together again. If only I could be there to comfort you wipe that tear from your face as it rolls down your cheek, but alas I am not there._

_Julia, I do not wish for you to place a hold on your life in my death. I want you free to love again. I want you to find someone to love and care for you in my place someone who will treat you as the lady you are and hold you dear to him as I hold you dear in my heart._

_There is so much more I wish to convey to you and share with you but this letter will never suffice to even contain a fraction of my love for you and what all I wish to share with you. Nor do I have the time for it does run short for me I fear._

_So again I say to you Julia, I love you. I love you more than it is possible for a man to love you and I wish I could have had more to time to begin to show you how great and deep that love is. But I now must close out this letter and meet my fate._

_With all my love,_  
_Regulus_

Upon the completion of the letter Julia Bingley let out a choking sob that shook her whole body hand clasping around the letter written in Regulus' elegant scrip the this black leather bound book labeled as "PROPERTY OF R. A. BLACK" sat in her lap. There was none to comfort her as she let the sobs overcome her save for the faint memory of Regulus Black who from before the grave wished to have wiped away her tears and wrapped her in his arms.

It was a good two hours before Julia could find herself able to control her tears, at least see through them. They still silently slipped from the corners of her eyes but that was a vast improvement considering the state she had been in. Julia did not understand what Regulus meant by his death but she had faith that he did what was right as his letter said and she forgave him for leaving her. There was no way that she couldn't do such, she loved him.

Still fighting the tears that continued to flow Julia opened the journal and began to read, the reflections of the man she loved.

One of my earliest memories was that of when I was a child near the age of four. It was during that time that I was my brother's shadow never leaving his side. He got annoyed at times with how close I would follow him but knowing him he secretly enjoyed the attention.

We were out in the garden that day I was walking around the fountain and Sirius was splayed out on a bench. We both had run out of things to do and Sirius of all people was struggling with the concept of being bored.

"Let's jump the fence!" he suddenly said sitting bolt upright his gray eyes shimmering with excitement. I stopped in my tracks and stared at him.

"Jump the fence?" I asked doubtful that was a good idea.

"Sure why not?" he answered standing up and walking over to the stonewall that was out fence. Neither of us could see over it and it was fairly tall. "I mean aren't you curious to know what's on the other side?"

Admittedly I was curious but I was also a bit scared. I knew the wall was there for a reason and I didn't think our mum and dad would approve of such an action. "Yes…but.." I started to say before Sirius interrupted me.

"But what?" he demanded Sirius looking back at me from studying the wall. He walked quickly over to where there were vines growing on the wall, I of course followed. He yanked ant them causing them to fall and him to frown. "I'm going to go over you can stay if you like. If you're too scared." His last sentence was a taunt.

"I'm not scared!" I protested sounding as brave as I could.

Sirius laughed as he walked over to a tree myself keeping right instep behind him. We stopped at a tree that grew above and over the wall. Sirius stood studying it for a minute as I looked at it too. Then Sirius began to climb up it.

"What are you doing?" I asked looking up at him.

"I'm going over like I said!" he hissed back, "Now keep it down!"

I knew Sirius meant it that he was going to go over and I was not about to be left behind in going over the fence and risk being called a coward. I hated when Sirius teased me like that. So I began to climb right behind him. Sirius looked down and smiled as he continued up ahead of me. It took a bit more effort on my part to go up seeing as I was shorter than he was but we made it up and could see over the wall.

"Wow," I remarked as we both looked outside of our garden for the first time. "It looks a like our garden."

"Only cleaner," grumbled Sirus looking out with me. He was right, the gardens on the other side were more clean cut while we had vines growing in our garden and a few gnomes running around.

"Let's go," instructed Sirius moving out toward the edge of the branch to make it down to the other side. I looked around and didn't see how we were to get down on the other side.

"Sirius," I asked not moving forward just yet. "How are we supposed to get down there?"

"We're going to jump of course!" he answered with a brilliant smile inching more and more forward causing the branch we were on to bend and move.

"JUMP!?" I squeaked with a bit of fear I wasn't a fan of falling.

"How else? You aren't scared are you?" he demanded asking the one question that always got me to do things I never really wanted to do.

"No," I lied as I inched forward carefully watching Sirius' moves and how the branch bend closer to the ground, but not enough so that we would not have to jump.

After a few minutes time when the branch started to creak from us sitting so close to the edge Sirius said, "This is as far as it goes we have to jump."

"Now?" I demanded looking at the ground which still seemed very far away.

"You don't have to," answered Sirius in his taunting tone, "You can stay if you like but I'm jumping."

"I am too," I answered stoutly allowing myself to slide off the branch before Sirius could mention anything about me being scared. I hit the ground with a jar but came out of the landing with nothing more than a bruise, and having discovered that maybe I did like falling just a little.

Sirius soon landed after me saying, "You little twat! What were you thinking jumping first?"

I smiled in response knowing that Sirius was mainly miffed that he couldn't lord not wanting to jump over me. After a moment Sirius sighed and said, "Come on." He led the way out of the garden we had just landed in and found ourselves out on a street. It was a lot like a few pictures we had seen in books though there really weren't people around like in books.

"Where is everybody?" I whispered partly because of fear of not having people around and partly in fear of waking something that was better left asleep.

"Inside or something," answered Sirius confidently, "Come on."

We walked for about a block before we came to a house with a big black dog that jumped at the fence and started jumping and barking at us trying to get at us. It made me jump and I admit I tried to hide behind Sirius.

"It's just a dog you idiot," answered Sirius with a roll of his eyes.

"I don't like it," I answered keeping near Sirius until we passed and the dog was a bit in the distance still barking.

"Get off me will you?" demanded Sirius pushing me away from himself a bit. I stepped back behind Sirius and followed along. It was a position I was very accustomed to. Always just behind Sirius seen but unnoticed it's how we were presented at parties, Sirius as the shining example and focus of the night and myself as a bit of an after thought.

We walked for a while longer until we could hear yells and shouts in the distance.

"Wonder what that could be?" spoke Sirius breaking the silence that was between us. He picked up the pace and I followed suit until we came to an open field where there were other kids.

"Hey Regs check it out," instructed Sirius with wonder as he watched the kids, there were about five of them kicking this ball around with each other.

"What are they doing?" I asked as I watched I'd never hear of such a thing. I knew a bit about Quidditch but that wasn't how you played. It seemed all they were doing was just kicking a ball.

"I'm going to join them," announced Sirius after a few minutes of watching.

"What!?" I squeaked I really didn't think it was a good idea to interact with those kids what if they were muggles?

"Fine you stay," ordered Sirius as he ran to join the kids who were kicking the ball they weren't wearing robes like Sirius or I. Sirius made it all the way to the midst of them and kicked the ball once before, they all stopped the game they were playing. They shouted at Sirius and asked him what the big idea was. I was scared they were going to do more than yell at him until he stated that he wanted to join them. The agreed saying they needed a sixth. I stood by and watched too scared to do much more, and I didn't care if I was called a coward afterwards.

Before long there was a woman calling for one of the boy who said he had to go and needed to take the ball with him then everyone broke off and Sirius came running back to me with dirt all over his nice new robes. His hands were a little bloodies from a fall he took earlier and he was sweating.

"Regs you should have tried it, it was bloody brilliant!" exclaimed Sirius wiping his brow with his sleeve.

"Can we go home now?" I asked pleadingly not wanting to stay longer.

"Fine we'll go back," sighed Sirius as we started for home.

We walked for a bit before I asked, "What are you going to say when mum asks about your robes and hands."

Sirius gave a one-shouldered shrug, "I'll tell her I was digging or chasing a gnome."

"She won't believe it," I whispered.

"Want to bet?" asked Sirius with a cocky attitude as we approached the dog once more who was just as nasty as before. I kept near Sirius for that part of the trip and backed off quickly so as not to bother him or to get my robes dirty.

When we made it back to the wall we discovered our one main problem. We didn't know how to get back in our garden.

"What do we do now?" I whined, I was getting hot and I was tired by now and more than enough adventure for one day.

"Shut up, let me think," ordered Sirius as he looked around it was a few moments before Sirius said, "Here help me with this!"

He was gesturing to a birdbath that was cracked and looked very unused. We pushed and pulled it with all of our might over to near the wall. When we got it close to the wall Sirius said, "Easy!" he hoisted himself atop the birdbath and up and over the wall, I was quick to follow not liking to be on the wrong side of the garden.

When I was over too, Sirius clapped me on the back, "Now it will be easier to get back over next time." He then turned to the house leaving me to contemplate the fact that there was going to be a next time.


	2. Chapter 2

There were multiple times that Sirius and I found ourselves on the other side of the fence and it was never really a pleasant experience for me in the least. Particularly having to pass that vicious dog. As the summer wore on it seemed like the fence keeping the hound at bay was becoming weaker and weaker. When I mentioned it to Sirius he just laughed at me and proclaimed I was just being a baby. I naturally as a four year old argued that I wasn't but would always try and cling close to Sirius just incase. I don't know what it was about Sirius that made me think that he could protect me. He was certainly no more experienced at magic or fighting against a dog than I was but in my four year old state of mind I felt that Sirius being older than I was a person would could protect me from the potential dangers of the black dog.

It wasn't until summers end that my premonition of the fence breaking down came to pass. It had been a long day and Sirius and I had been at each other all day. I was tired of following him along and just sitting and watching I wanted my brother back and I complained and that launched a fight between the two of us. Which led to me threatening to tell about our adventures over the fence and Sirius threatening to break my arm in return. By the end of our trip over the fence we found ourselves at a stalemate between our wills, of who would get their way.

I ended up being so frustrated and angered with my brother that I paid little attention to our surrounding and without hesitation I passed by the house with the dog. The moment he started barking I jumped with fright. Coensiding with my jump came the dogs jump sending the fence crashing down. I didn't hesitate for a second on my course of action. I was certain that the black beast would eat me right then and there. I tore off like a rocket for home never pausing for a second certain that dog was right on my tail. I didn't even pause to gauge the jump over the fence, I just knew I wanted nothing more than to be in the safety of the garden where the most lethal thing in it were garden gnomes which were practically harmless.

It was to my great misfortune that when I jumped the fence I did not take the tree well into account and my arm snagged on a broken branch and it tore my robes and gouged my arm. As I landed firmly on my back I cried out in pain gripping my then bleeding arm.

"He was tied up you dolt! You had nothing to worry..." came Sirius voice as he climbed over the fence. He was cut off short when he saw the blood that was coming from my arm and was now all over my hand.

"MUM!" cried Sirius with a slight panic in his voice very different from the almost insulting tone that was in his voice much earlier.

With a great crack Kreacher arrived demanding to know what it was that we wanted. Sirius barked at him to get mum seeing as I was hurt. It wasn't long before our mother came out demanding to know what it was that had happened. She almost seemed accusatory of Sirius.

I knew I couldn't tell her that we had been jumping the fence and said, "I was climbing the tree and fell."

I was scolded for climbing a tree and was informed that my injury served me right for doing something so foolish. I nodded my head as tears streamed down my face. Mother stopped the bleeding but I do happen to have a scar on my arm from the incident. It was something that easily could have been seen to at St. Mungo's but I suppose, a mark was left on my arm to teach me a lesson. Though I think I wasn't the only one who learned a lesson that day. Sirius seemed awful guilty for the longest time, every time he looked at the scar on my arm.

After the bleeding was stopped, Sirius and I were ushered inside to get cleaned up and Sirius and I were forbade form going outside for the rest of the year. I knew that restriction saddened Sirius but secretly I was happy because I knew I would get my brother back and I would never have to face the demon dog ever again. It is from these experiences that I do indeed have a great fear of dogs particularly black ones.

Save for that one brief moment as a particularly young child my memories growing up are not quite precise. It seems save for that particular moment of clarity things tend to blur together as day to day life in the pureblood society is much of the same with the occasional celebration here and there, though nothing in particular about the parties are entirely memorable. Save for the Christmas after Sirius got his letter to attend Hogwarts which was several years after the time with the tree.

It was a party like any other. It was simply a matter that this time Sirius was even more of the focus of attention than was usual. I remember people talking of how Sirius showed great promise for the Black line. Bellatrix even mentioned how he might be able to serve the pureblood plight in great ways. Which was quite the compliment from her. It was also the first Christmas that Andromeda was not present. It was her seventh year at Hogwarts that year and she had remained at school seeing as the relationships she was pursuing were not fitting a lady of her status. I did not receive exact details until later down the road but I do recall before then seeing my mother burn Andromeda off the family tree. I remember wondering about that seeing as she was rather nice compared to her sisters. There was also talk of Narcissa finding a suable match. It was all mindless information to me as a young ten year old. I remember spending most of the night sitting quite and feeling a bit miserable because come next year Sirus was going to be gone at Hogwarts and I was going to be stuck home alone with nothing more than Kreacher to entertain me on a social level.

"Why so glum?" asked Sirius that night when he escaped the doting attention of the adults to spend a bit of time with me. He held a wide grin on his face having enjoyed almost every minute of the attention. Sirius was always one who enjoyed attention. I think that is why he did do some of the things he did which made mother quite cross with him at times. I think it was all for the sake of attention.

"You are going to school next year," I answered plaintively.

"Yeah, isn't it great?" he asked but then looking at me realized my issue with the fact.

"No worries, it's only a year, I'll be home for the holidays and I'll write!" he answered with a casual shrug as if it was no big deal.

I forced myself to smile for Sirius sake as he was called off to be the center of attention once more.


	3. Chapter 3

To be very honest with myself one of the worst moments in my life was when Sirius went off to Hogwarts. It was not so much a matter of having to say goodbye to him but what all happened after that seemed to alter the course of my entire destiny. At the very least it was the start. Little did I know it then as I do now.

"Narcissa watch him," instructed my mother as we stood at the station to say goodbye.

"I will Auntie," assured Narcissa as she searched the crowds for whom any of us could only guess as Luscius Malfoy.

"Promise to write?" I asked in a slightly morose tone as Sirius stood practically bouncing on his fee. I could tell that Sirius was excited and couldn't wait to get onto the train. I wanted to be excited for him but all I could think of were the long hours alone with Kreacher.

It wasn't that I had anything against him, it was just a matter that Sirius was a lot more fun to be around. Kreacher did not really play exploding snap or other games nor was he inclined to break a few rules. Though I was against breaking rules most times I admit there was some fun to be said for it.

"Yeah I'll write," answered Sirius looking the other way with interest in what was going on around at the station rather than what I had to say.

I was a little put out that Sirius was so distracted but he was going to Hogwarts. Anyone in his shoes would be distracted.

Before long it was time to say goodbye as Sirius and Narcissa boarded the train though Narcissa was a bit preoccupied with Luscius rather than bidding farewell.

When we arrived home there was a certain vacant feeling to the house. Sadly before the end that would not be my only concern.

It was late into the night when I was awoken by my mother's shrieking. At first I assumed it was a matter that Sirius got up to some sort of mischief until I realized he was away at school. Knowing this caused me to get up from my bed and peak in on my mother and father sitting in the study.

My mother had a bit of parchment clasped in her hand shrieking, "You send a letter to that muggle loving headmaster! Gryffindor! It is NOT acceptable! Every member of the house of Black is in Slytherin and it makes NO difference for my son!"

I slipped away at that point for fear of being caught out of bed. When mother is riled up there is no stopping her wrath from spreading and it is not a pleasant thing to experience.

"Young master should find himself in bed," warned Kreacher, "Do not want mistress to him he doesn't."

I nodded in agreement as I slipped into my room. "You'll tell me everything about Sirius won't you?" I asked the house elf.

He responded, "Kreacher does what is asked of him young master." With that Kreacher bowed before answering to the call of my mother.

The next few days were not pleasant in the least. There were owls in and out of the house several howlers sent out as well. Hearing the relaying of them was bad enough, I can only imagine what they were like on the receiving end.

It was hard to think of why Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor. It was the worst house to be sorted into. Sirius wasn't happy there was he?

I wrote several letters during that time to Sirius yet never received a reply. I knew Sirius had to be upset. I know I would be, not to mention Sirius had promised to write and yet he wasn't.

It took until October for me to receive an owl from Sirius.

_Regs,_

_Been busy. I'm fine. Hogwarts is great you'll love it here! I've learned so much, can't wait to share. Halloween feast to get to_

_-Sirius_

I admit that I was a little discouraged by such a not. I wrote a response to his note asking him if he was alright and how he was doing hoping for more details but I never received a response.

As a young boy of tem my imagination at the time ran away with me and I worried that Sirius had been hurt or worse by those he was forced to love with. In the end I blamed them for being the reason why my brother did not write.

Save for that one note, I did not hear from Sirius until the day he was to come home for Christmas break.

I pleaded to go to the station to meet up with Sirius I had to make sure he was alright.

I stood there at the station with father just waiting for the train to stop and Sirius to get off. The wait seemed to last for what felt like an eternity and I began to fret that my worst fears had come true until he stepped off the train with a very pallid look about him.

"There he is!" I pointed out relieved to see that he was alright. I wanted to run to see him but father kept his hand on my shoulder as very proper and stiff greetings were exchanged.

"Sirius," spoke father very curtly.

"Father," answered Sirius in a similar manner before he turned to me and said, "Regulus."

"Sirius," was my simple yet disappointed reply.

"Do you have your things?" asked father of my brother.

"Yes sir, I do," came Sirius' response.

"Good then let's go," he answered stiffly before turning to go. When his back was turned Sirius winked at me and held a fleeting smile. It was good to have him back and to know that he was alright, remaining my same brother. It seemed like that fact would never change.

That evening it was nearly impossible to have any conversation with Sirius. The instant we arrived him mother wanted him to wash away the mudblood stench which I never could smell. Then it was a proper meal with hardly any conversation. After which I was sent to bed.

I had been in bed no more than an hour when I heard my room door creak open to find Sirius there at it.

"Not asleep already are you?" he asked incredulously.

"No," I whispered back sitting up.

"I didn't think you would be," answered Sirius with an heir of confidence that was typical of him. He came into my room and took a seat on my bed.

"You all right?" I asked wanting to know if he really was okay as I never had gotten the chance to ask before.

"Sure why wouldn't I be?" asked my brother in surprise. "You been okay?" he asked.

"Been alright," I answered with a shrug looking away. I didn't want Sirius to that I had been miserable, worried about him never getting letters from him.

I didn't want to ask about it yet I did, "Why didn't you write?" I blurted out.

"What?" asked Sirius surprised by my question.

"I wrote," he protested.

"Once," I stated, frustration building in me. I didn't want it to but it did.

I think Sirius could sense my frustration because his next words were surprising.

"I'm sorry Regs," he apologized. It was one of the very few times I heard those words escape his lips.

"Live at Hogwarts is crazy," he admitted, "One thing after the other and on top of it the entire family practically hates me."

"Hates you?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah for getting placed in Gryffindor. You know Alecto won't talk to me either. She told me so in a letter."

Sirius frowned as I stared at him in shock.

"I don't hate you," I offered meekly.

At this Sirius smiled me. "Even when I forget to write?"

I nodded my head.

"How about when I give him a severe beating?" he asked jokingly as he jumped me.

It was not until the time of the annual holiday ball that I truly saw what Sirius was talking about when it came to his not being favored any more.

It seemed that every party he was the focus and center of attention and that night Sirius rarely came to anyone's attention save for phrases such as, "Shame that Sirius had such a poor sorting," which was followed by statements such as how they would pull their child out if such a thing happened or a question about if there was anything to be done.

Then it was surprising to see that none of our cousins really acknowledged Sirius. I was spoken to but Sirius was ignored though I found myself standing right next to him most of the night. The worst came when those who were family friends and acquaintances who were already in Hogwarts jeered at Sirius asking him what he was going to do with out his friends to back him up. I was shocked. It was the quietest that I had ever seen Sirius in my life. It truly seemed like the night just dragged on.

When the party was over and Sirius and I were sent to bed; I found myself sneaking over to Sirius room.

"You all right?" I asked peeking in on Sirius looking at some picture that he quickly put away.

"I'm fine," answered Sirius. "I'm just tired go back to bed."

"You sure?" I asked.

"I said go back to bed!" snapped Sirius.

I quietly slipped back into bed that night feeling horrid, though the next morning it was as if nothing had happened. Things went smoothly for the rest of the break. Almost too smoothly considering that Sirius broke fewer rules than usual.


	4. Chapter 4

After Christmas there wasn't much of interest that happened. Sirius didn't write once more though I was able to keep tabs on him a bit better seeing as there were several owls sent home pertaining to his behavior. Mother and Father were less than pleased to receive this new to put things mildly.

Before too long the term was over. I had my letter from Hogwarts and Sirius was hom on a sever probation due to his behavior.

Throughout the summer Sirius tried to speak to me about Hogwarts and spoke of how great it would be when I came. He talked as if I would be placed in Gryffindor too and that concept I admit scared me. I had heard so much about how Sirius was a disgrace and how I needed to be in a 'proper house' which was Slytherin. I also saw a change in Sirius.

I alwas knew he had a tendency to be the rules but he began to hold a blatant disregard for them. Was this what happened when sorted into Gryffindor? Is that what you became when you spent too much time with blood traitors and mudbloods? I wasn't sure I wanted to find out.

Therefore, when Sirius talked of Hogwarts and his friends I tended to shut down on him. In a way I couldn't help it. I was scared. I loved my brother and always wanted to be just like him but, for the first time, I was beginning to have my doubts.

"What is up with you?" demanded Sirius one day after talking about a joke he and his roomated had pulled.

"Nothing," I answered with a non-committal shrug.

"You haven't been saying or doing much all summer," complained Sirius.

"Haven't felt like it," I answered not looking my brother in the eye.

"I can make you feel like it," Sirius threatened with a mischievous look. Before I knew it, Sirius had tackled me to the ground.

"Get off," I cried as I tried to fight Sirius off of me. I was frustrated that he had tackled me but at the same time I couldn't help but smile a bit. Rough housing was something Sirius and I did since we were kids, despite mother's wishes that we not do such.

Of course in the moment both of us forgot where we were which was outside where the ground was fairly damp still.

We had been wresting for a minute or two when Kreacher came out to the yard looking for us.

"Oh young masters fighting again, mistress won't like this she won't." spoke Kreacher causing us to stop mid fight.

"Shut up Kreacher," snapped Sirius. It was no secret that Sirius was not found of the house elf.

Kreacher kept his mouth shut and glared at Sirius. He hated taking orders from him, but because he was family Kreacher had to obey.

"Kreacher, why did you come out here?" I asked taking a kinder tone with the house elf. He had been company for me while Sirius was away at school and was quite the considerate house elf if spoken to with kind words. He was also quite obedient.

Kreacher gave a look to Sirius before turning to me, "Mistress has sent for the older young master. She won't be too pleased to see the mess that has been made."

"I said for you to shut up!" spoke Sirius sourly seeing as Kreacher went ahead and spoke remarking on things Sirius did not want to hear about. I knew Sirius wasn't particularly happy to be called inside. That was bad enough, but more so seeing as he and I had made a mess of ourselves.

"Kreacher shall punish himself young master," replied the weary house elf before he vanished away.

"I hope he does it extra for speaking again," remarked Sirius darkly.

"Sirius," I cautioned as we both mad our way back into the house.

We both entered the house together, I with my head hung in shame while Sirius entered without a care in the world.

"What is the meaning of this?" demanded mother with much disdain as we entered the house with dirt and wet grass marks on us.

"We fell," blatantly liked Sirius a look of challenge in his eyes. I know Sirius had lied before but I had never seen him so disrespectful in his address to mother.

Seeing this did not sit well with me in the least. Was this something else that mudbloods and blood traitors had done to him? I was beginning to feel that I didn't really know my brother.

"Get cleaned up," snapped Mother, her voice full of ice and her eyes devoid of emotion. It was times like these that I found mother most frightening compared to when she was shrieking and yelling out various forms of slander and profanities.

Sirius and I turned to go away till the words, "Not you," passed mother's lips. She was pointing at Sirius. I paused to look at Sirius with uncertainty. He glanced at me and gave a slight nod that told me I should move on and do as I was told. I indicated that I understood but shifted my glace toward my mother who looked to be cold as stone.

After getting cleaned up as mother instructed I figured it was best to keep to more melancholy if activities and took to the study.

Sirius did not turn up and despite all my recent doubts about him I found myself worrying about him. Sirius did show up for dinner that night as was rather quiet and slipped away directly after.

I knew something was up so that night I snuck out of my room to go visit him.

"Sirius?" I called out tentively.

"What?" came his tired and frustrated voice as he didn't move.

"What happened?" I asked standing just inside the door so as to not get caught out of bed.

"Nothing really," answered Sirius. I knew he was lying. I could almost always tell when Sirius was lying.

"Then why have you been so quiet?" I pestered.

"One of my best friends lost his mum," answered Sirius rolling over to face me. I could tell he was a bit upset. That was enough to answer my questions, so I mumbled an apology to show some sympathy and slipped out.

Within a few days Sirius went to the funeral. He ended up spending time with a friends' family during that time.

While Sirius was gone it almost seemed like mother was pleased to have him gone. I do not know why seeing as I was much too scared to investigate.

It was not long after Sirius' return that shopping for the new school year began. It was almost as if time flew by. Sirius didn't speak much of the funeral and I didn't bother to ask. In fact Sirius didn't speak much at all over the last few weeks of summer before school. If there was a mention of my being in Slytherin Sirius would fidget and there would be something about him that seemed to say he was bothered but he never spoke up, it was quite unlike him to be honest and it had me wondering, but the chance to ask never came.

Eventually the day to go to school finally arrived. It was much like when Sirius went off to school the year prior only this time I was the focus of attention.

As we stood there, I could hardly count the number of times the idea of my being placed in a popper house came up. Through out the wait I could tell Sirius was uncomfortable. It seemed almost as if my sorting was everything to everyone.

"If things do not go well, you _will_ be dangerously close to being off the tree," warned my mother to Narcissa.

"No worries Auntie!" she assured looking a bit pale as she placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'll keep a good eye on him."

When Narcissa said this I felt Sirius shift uncomfortably as mother informed Narcissa she had better.

It was with that last warning that Narcissa, Sirius and I were left on our own to go find a compartment on the train.

"What are you doing here?" sneered Narcissa looking down at Sirius.

"If you don't recall Narcissa, I do attend Hogwarts," answered Sirius snidely.

"Not with us!" she snapped.

"We do go to the same school," countered Sirius not budging an inch.

"Why don't you go find your mudblood friends?"

Sirius clenched his fists as if keeping himself from action as he glared not speaking a word.

"Come Regulus," commanded Narcissa with her hand on my shoulder guiding me through the train.

Sirius followed behind.

"You aren't welcome," stated Narcissa looking down at Sirius as we entered a compartment.

Sirius ignored Narcissa and took a seat across from me seeing as Narcissa sat next to me.

It was quite a long trip to Hogwarts, and by far one of the worst I have ever experienced. Sirius sat across from me fidgeting it seemed like he wanted to say something but didn't know how to say it.

A few friends of Narcissa's joined in our compartment spending much of their time talking about things that have never held much interest for me.

When the train finally did arrive Narcissas was certain to not let me of her sight and Sirius followed.

"Shouldn't you be getting into a carriage?" snapped Narcissa to Sirius.

"You should be doing the same," answered Sirius.

"Not till Regulus is on the boat," at that point Narcissa placed a vice grip on my shoulder.

I was directed to the boats and Narcissa made sure I was on the boat with those of proper breeding.

As I loaded into the boat Narcissa and Sirius were directed to the carriages. I turned to watch as they left. Narcissa had her back to me but Sirius was looking back.

"Good luck!" he called out almost nervously. This warranted a glare from Narcissa to Sirius.

The crossing of the lake was rather uneventful save for a general mounting of nerves as the realization that the sorting was drawing all the closer.

The time for the sorting drew closer and closer. The twitter about it grew and my nerves mounted all the more. It was at this time that questions started to truly resonate in my head. Reality sunk in. I had always dreamed about being just like Sirius but with the past summer I had my doubts. Sirius was in Gryffindor. I wasn't certain about that house. The entire family save Sirius were banking on my being in Slytherin. I felt like there was no other house possible. It seemed as if the consequences would be dire if I were not in Slytherin.

These realizations sunk in and I recalled what the last year had been like for Sirius, how he had changed. I also thought on how last year Srisius though he was going into Slytherin and yet he didn't go into Slytherin. This caused me to panic. What if I wasn't in Slytherin? What if I went into Gryffindor like Sirius? What would happen to me? To the family?

My panic was in full tilt when my name was called. Wide eyed and scared I approached the stool. As I sat down I caught a glimpse of Sirius. I felt a pang of guilt as the hat went over my eyes and I prayed for Slytherin.

_Slytherin Eh?_ asked a voice.

I was too shocked to answer.

_Much like your brother?_ it asked. I started to say something when the voice which I later figured was the hat spoke once more.

_Not too much. A great desire to prove your merit. I think you'd do best in..._

"SLYTHERIN!"

Relief flooded me as the hat was lifted from my head and I bolted for the Slytherin table. I did not see Sirius for the rest of the night.


End file.
